I forgot.
The first six weeks of your life seemed like an eternity. Lost in the chaos of feedings, dirty diapers and colic, every minute of every day was full...physically, emotionally and mentally.
About the time I started getting the hang of life as a new mom, your cotton-top little self was digging into your first smash cake surrounded by friends and family. Your curiosity about everything tended to get you in timeout a lot. Whether it be pouring baby powder on your spinning toy helicopter while watching your entire room through a haze of white or dismantling your daycare crib, mattress and all, because you were against nap time...you were always in to something!!
Not much later a sweet, pink bundle of sass came along. Then there were years that felt slow and years that felt fast. The paci fairy finally came and took "mama" to another baby that needed soothing. Your feet shot out beneath you and your legs shot up sky high. Although your chubby baby cheeks were no more, those baby blues still remind me of the sweet "Baby Brayley" I would rock to sleep each night until he no longer fit in my lap. You were no longer a baby...you were a boy!!
At some point, in between boo-boos, tickle monsters and laundry, in between sports schedules, homework and birthday parties, I kind of forgot. I'd always heard that it would all go by so fast but I still kind of forgot. I forgot that once those baby, toddler, little boy years were gone, they would be gone forever. I remember being thankful that you didn't get bit or bite a playmate at daycare and being thankful that you learned your ABC's and 123's without a hitch and being thankful that you were growing and healthy and that you didn't have to get any more vaccinations until twelve years old...all the while, I forgot that each accomplishment we check off your list should be a painful reminder to me of the loss of something else.
Now, I can honestly say, it happened overnight. As if all the 4,383 days and 624 weeks and 144 months before now were nonexistent except for the precious memories. Even after all of the advice from seasoned parents, I never thought letting go would start so early. I thought I would have more time. I thought we would have more time watching 'A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving' and more time cracking the egg on the trampoline and more time losing teeth instead of straightening them and more time making bedspread pallets and having movie nights and...more time with my baby boy. Instead, you become a little more independent each day. Which is a good thing in life but I didn't think, or maybe I just forgot, that it would happen so quickly.
You're still my firstborn baby but, I have to start, little by little, letting out the seams and unraveling the hems. I try not to hover, not to hold you back and keep you from being the you that you're meant to be. Knowing I have to let you begin making your own decisions, knowing I can’t save you from unfairness and heartache and failure, and then accepting that with grace. But at the same time, I will continue to instill in you the values and principles that my parents instilled in me. I will not forget the importance of that!
I seemed to have forgotten until now but here we are...tWeLvE...another accomplishment to check off your list.
I pray that your last year as an unofficial teen is one of happiness, learning, good friends, loving family, a deeper relationship with your Heavenly Father and enough great memories to get you thru the hard times. And even though you will soon be taller than me, just know that "I luz you" and you will always, ALWAYS be my "Baby Brayley"!!
